I have now successfully been off of my antidepressants since September, nearly 2 weeks after my birthday on sept 14. I decided to come off of them, gradually and and as tentatively as I could and did all kinds of (internet) research on coming off of this medicine which I felt had become a hindrance rather than a help. Not only did I not cry as much but I could not laugh at the appropriate times and that didn’t sit right with me. It was scary at first and even now, I have my bad days as I am now dealing with ‘real’ emotions once again. I wouldnt say I am cured, but I wanted control over my mind again and I wanted to feel what was real and felt I would never heal if I was not coming from clarity.
This is a massive leap in consciousness for me, for 5 months ago I was again in a dark, dark place and quit my voluntary work with almost no warning. A place I had felt safe and somewhere I had grown and changed and formed a part of myself I could not have become if I had never done it. Now I don’t think I will go back there, now I think that there are many new doors opening for me if I just wait. Its hard writing this blog to put everything that’s happened into words in a way that conveys the gratitude I have for the process that I have gone through and continue to experience. I have made friends, regained old friends and lost friends, some friends don’t choose to go with you, but they were still good friends.
I have laid in bed and done nothing, participated in my own, one-woman bed-in, laid in bed, sat and held pens and pencils over blank pages and had revelations and musings and ideas and let them escape me until I decided to make a decision to be consciously happy. I listen to Paul McKenna hypnosis CD’s and Devi Das and Abraham Hicks meditations. I keep a joy list which reminds me what to be thankful for. I save all my favourite texts and messages to remind me that I exist and that I am loved (because its hard sometimes) more importantly I started to consciously do things that would benefit me, and look after myself by eating well and taking vitamin supplements, saving towards a writing course to broaden my skills and doing art daily, just for the fun of it. I even sold a painting recently, to my great joy I made £25. I have a long way to go, but I am a patient woman.
creating outrageous joy 